We Are Stardust

* I had this dream a long time ago. I think at the beginning of my senior year of high school *

I was watching a man. He didn't have a face and I didn't have a body. The whole scene looked like something out of a video game or a poorly drawn cartoon. The world was gray shades. He had no arms and barely a body and I could hear his every thought and feel every feeling he had. He had many friends and loved ones that constantly surrounded him in his life giving him the love and affection he deserved. One day he received a special power given to him by a benevolent or devious being. He now had the power to make things disappear and he used it on the people that hated him and tried to make him unhappy. The power was put to good use but where did these people go in a puff of smoke? I, the know all, didn't even know. This power that he had began to make things disappear without him willing it. Soon each of his loved ones disappeared one by one in a puff of smoke. All the man had left were the trees to bring him comfort. Unfortunately, for him, each tree began to also disappear one after the other until the man was left alone in his gray world to live out the rest of his life in a bleak, souless, and lonesome universe.

*Had this dream while staying the night at your place*

I remember seeing a guy on the streets in this dream. He looked a lot like Ethan but in a way it wasn't him. I was attracted to him but I went about my business. The next thing I know I am in the art museum in Kansas City and I am admiring the beautiful artwork. I noticed that the same man that I saw earlier was there too. I was starting to feel nervous so I decided to keep moving on in the hopes that I would lose him in the labyrinth of art. I didn't lose him. Everywhere I turned he was there. I began to run away as fast as possible. Every exhibit I ran to he would be there. When I was trying to make my escape to the exit he was there waiting for me. I think he grabbed me and then I woke up.

I'm not too sure how the hell this dream started or how the fuck I knew I was in Vietnam.

From what I remember, I was plopped dead center into this. I was with my platoon and we were trudging through this weird almost tropical like forest trying to get to safety or something without being seen by the Vietnamese soldiers. One of my soldiers stepped on a landmine and I watched as they blew up before my eyes. That was the signal the Vietnamese soldiers needed and they were starting to come at us from all directions. My platoon and I started running for our lives and they were being blown into pieces right in front of me. Suddenly, rock and earth started falling down and killing what was left of my soldiers until there was only me and another female soldier named Tauros, don't ask me how or why I knew her name. She had a long blonde braid and she was about to be eaten by the rock until I pulled her away from the falling rubble. Once that carnage had stopped falling we ran to nearby bushes and saw the encampment of Vietnamese soldier. *That was when I woke up*

Wensday night, 11/30/16, Time awoken was around 5 p.m.

After talking to you and Stephen for awhile I watched Youtube and worked out before taking my medication, I went to bed unlike these past few nights were I had been just high off my presciptions fighting rest since my dreams were terrifying me.

I found myself in what appeared to be an old motel like area, everything was dark and water dripped from rusty cracks in the ceilings as I was now making my way upstairs. Each time I went up a step there would be a loud squeak and for some reason I slowly became unsettled and then I became aware of what kind of dream this was turning out to be. I could feel my heart beat inside my chest picking up, the little child inside wanting to run from this place and hide somewhere under the bed seemed to pound his fist behind the heavy heartbeat that now thudded begging to wake up. But you see this is one of those things were you know you are sleeping but you just can't find yourself the will to rise from slumber.

I remember someone rushing out of one of the rotting apartment doors to grab me, I struggled but in attempt to free myself didn't have the strength against this attacker. The man had plunged something like a needle into my neck and I felt whatever inside go into my body, it was that numbing sensation you get at the dentist office. You know? Like when they put that cherry red shit in your mouth to prevent pain while drilling in your teeth? It was like that but it was heavy and spread thicker throughout me as I felt everthing go and the man braced me in his arms and drug me into his apartment.

I don't remember much but it's just one of those dreams that steadily drives itself off the fucking railroad tracks of sanity, where the train collides with the town and everyone dies.

I had blacked out but came to myself wrapped up in some rope or wire? I still can't tell but I was paralized and it didn't matter that this fucker had my subconious on lock down. I wasn't killed but you can tell what happens next so..yeah I just had to get this out of my mind or I would go crazy.

I woke up in the middle of the night but I wasn't really awake. My eyes were open but I was still dreaming. I don't know what I was dreaming about or why I "woke" up. All I remember is that my eyes were open the whole time and I was whimpering very loudly and gasping for breath every so often. During this weird moment, I remember clearly thinking I need to stop. I'll wake my roommate. My roommate is sleeping, I need to stop but I couldn't control myself. I couldn't move and I couldn't stop the whimpering; all I could do was think. After that I went straight to sleep. I don't really even remember shutting my eyes to go to sleep; it was like a light just turned off and I was out.

Tuesday night, 11/15/16, Time awoken was around 4 p.m.

I had woken up after my first dream and found myself underneath all of my covers clutching pillows and what not with a cold sweat and the after effect of death like my usual premonition dreams, I could still feel the deep slit in my throat though it wasn't even physical, it was somewhere around 10 in the morning so I wanted to sleep more and my dream was pissing me off  so I forced myself to sleep more due to exhaustion.

Right into the dream I landed myself smack dab in the middle of what appeared to be something of a concentration camp within a bleak crumbling tin warehouse that had obviously seen better days, my hand hurt and so did my eyes as I took in these surroundings and soon I noticed the other people that were in my current position. What was happening and what we were doing there was a complete mystery even as the dream took its usual twists and turns I was entirely confused as to why I was assembling part for what looked like cars or parts to be put inside machines. At one point the dream shifted into nightmare and went 360 as I heard the shouts of a girl being drug through the stone slabs on the flooring, she was bloody and I couldn't see her face but like my other dream her hair was brunette and she appeared thin and in need of assistance. I believe I was keeping to myself until we locked eyes and that's when I knew it, obviously I know this girl and she knew me because the second we saw each other the gaurd that was dragging her had to put up a fight just to keep the woman orderly. She screamed something but I can't recall what it was, maybe everything just went silent? But he attempted to strike her and the next moment I was on top of the man letting my fists pumbled down in a fury so violent his face caved in; who is this woman and why must I protect her? She had grabbed onto me crying until we were separated and I never saw her again, I had a feeling something terrible was going to take place, I could sense it over and over again.

I can't remember anything after that, but the next part I was at my post assembling parts like we had in the beginning and I could feel such a bitter hunger inside me that I could vomit, perhaps they were starving us? Throughout this dream I recall myself relentlessly fighting gaurds and attempting to save people from their deaths only to enforce the very thing. The warehouse grew more vacant until it was just me and another boy, I believe we had grown to be friends in the dream because it seemed like we had known eachother for years but something happened to him and it wasn't pleasent. It made me snap and somehow I became that wolf from my first dream, skin turned to fur and the whole nine yards. Not like Werewolf or anything just a big ass wolf and I can't even remember the color of myself. The dream dropped me back at the warehouse and it was just splattered with blood, I believe I had mauled everyone except for the girl I was saving, she was still alive and somehow we ran out of there together but we were constantly followed. I then woke up.

Everything just felt cold and wrong and for some stupid reason I wanted to cry, I don't want to sleep anymore. I regret having this bodily nature to rest every night my dreams are nightmares that I cannot escape.

Tuesday night, 11/15/16, Time awoken was around 10 a.m.

I went to bed like usual with my heated blanket on and two layers of blankets since it's cold in my room, after watching Youtube I went to sleep and let the drugs kick in.

It started out at a large bleak school with an uneasy feeling from the very start, for a couple of minutes I took in the surroundings and notice most of the drone like students filling in assignments while I myself had one was not doing work. There was a sudden drill that pierced the air and black protective sheilds slid down the outside parts of the windows like they do when a mass murder is taking place. I remember scrambling into a dark hallway as the lights flickered out and glancing around I noticed a very large dog standing a good length away from our shrill masses in the hallways, everything except this peaceful dog and myself was a violent grey and then I noticed it's wolfish features. I don't recall much after that but now I was in a dimly lit hallway with a handful of students, what we were still running from wasn't apparen't but I was holding some brown haired girls hand and leading her with us like a protector and now this smoke smell began to burn my lungs and sting my eyes but there was no smoke in the hallways. The next moment the boy in front of me turned around and bashed me over the head at least three times while screaming "It was you that set us all on fire!" He then grabbed the girl I was with and ran around the corner while she yelled for my help with tears in her eyes, I felt a sudden sting in my throat and I couldn't breath, my body was already on the floor and feeling my throat I flinched because it had somehow been slashed. People were now coming at me all of a sudden with violent intentions as I was choking for air hacking on blood trying to breath and I was beginning to panic, I was already dying after a minute when all of a sudden the wolf from before was standing over me in a protective manner with a snarl on it's lips but I felt at peace while my attackers were leaving the area with stricken expressions. I don't remember much but after that I was left alone as the wolf slowly walked down the darkening hallway until it dissapeared and I was experiencing the familar sense of death I usually had in my dreams, it wasn't warm just freezing until the burning cold in my chest exploded until I wasn't anything anymore. That's where my first dream of the night ended.